Imagine to Remember

Prickled by my own frustrations, dreams I ignored and questions I abandoned I asked God to transform me by what ever means He so wished. As a young girl I was inspired by the martyrs and saints and miracle workers.  I wanted to be amongst the chosen, the lovers and the beloved. But the desire rarely materialized into anything consistent. There were of course bursts, but they burned out quickly. Hopes and dreams but little movement. I asked Him to make me amongst the near. But even my prayers are soaked with arrogance and presumption. He has made me aware of my own ignorance. To be broken open this much has brought me to my knees, I am not ready to bear what I seek I try to quiet his call with the mirage of the world. But it’s gnaws at me from within.  Yet infinite in His grace he continues to remind me to send me signs. And when I fail to heed the gentle reminder I am knocked to the ground.  It’s seems I am intent on learning the hard way.